Whose fault
by: Randall Sky Dudley

he left me
alone for his own selfish reasons
he knew my pain
he cried my shame

When we started it was all Innocent

But
then why did I put on my sexy underwear
He called me beautiful
He made me feel needed
I miss him
When he left me my world crumbled
When He left me my heart parted
When He left me I was F
a
l
l
i
n
g
He was falling too
He felt betrayed
he felt hurt
He Needed SOMEONE to understand
i did
i understood the pain of thinking you’ll never love again
i understood the tears that carved canyons into cheeks
I understood the Thoughts of
I should have
I could have
If only I knew I WOULD have
well… now I have

________________


we kiss
to Beyonce’s Kissing You

his lips
my lips
so soft
and it’s just B and He and me
and I try to block out
Him, the unexcused absence
and it’s just his lips on my lips
and my lips on his
And that one
Temporarily Dissapears

\Break away



“Sorry” a tear falls
“sorry,” I comfort
we’re both so sorry
But
We do it again
_____________________

UP
we sit and we watch Up
entangled into each other because
“Just Friends” can cuddle, right?
But is it just cudlling if were both
Up is a movie
About loss, and pain and
gaining a grip on reality,
and my reality is slipping as his hand slides
probing touching gripping…

“Does it Hurt?”


No
Yes
No
YES
YOUR NOT HIM! my heart screams
he’s not here my brain says
And my mouth says No

_______________


Contact
and we’re swimming in the clouds
together
stroke stroke stroke

“Does feel
that good?”
yes, but…
It’s not enough to drown HIM out
I remember his hands on me….
I remember his eyes as he….
I remember his cries as we….
I remember his…
I remember
NO
i want to forget

“i’m thinking”
say yes or say no

“…yes” he says

no
I fumble, I stumble, boundaries crumble…
And now we’re both Up, Swimming, stroke stroke stroke
i choke
i swallow
i realize that for those few blissful moments i forgot…. the sound of his voice when he’s half asleep…. the way his face looks when he concentrates… the feel of him holding me tightly …. the smell of him… warm …. spicy …. clean….
i realize I REMEMBER
i remember…
i remember,


no


What did he..?
What did I..?
What did we

“Does feel
that good?”

it did
it did
It did until i realized that…. i cheated

….I put on my sexy underwear
He called me Beautiful….
he left me alone….
i miss him…
….he knew my pain

his lips on my lips and my lips on…
“he’s not here”
‘Yes, but
Contact.
Swimming?
THINKING!!
Up


What did we do
and whose fault was it?