My Inexperienced Rendevous with Homecoming King Heartbreak

My Inexperienced Rendevous with Homecoming King Heartbreak
By Randall Sky Dudley


I didn’t know you
Didn’t like you
didn’t even think you were cute
i thought you were stuck up
Full of yourself and weird
I know that’s rich coming from me but
Its true

He was short,
5’4 (and i had to measure him myself cuz he CLAIMED to be 5’6)
With caramel eyes, full lips, and a lot of personality for that small frame
He was popular
The girls, they ate out of his hand, the guys, went to him for help
While i watched and stewed, because their was just something about him, that didn’t sit right with me
And it was that surprise that changed me
Looking through the yearbook
with my boyfriend Jose
He stopped on page 52
Pointed to a picture and said
“i used to date him”
…
Him?
he used to date him?
What does that mean
Is he gay, is he bi, what?
but what about the girls,
but what about the popularity
But
“Oh Brandon? i thought he was straight”
“he is… in public”
“Oh”
“Don’t tell anyone”

From that moment on things changed..
I started noticing things like
His dimples when he laughed to hard
How his hair straightened when wet
How though he had many “girl friends” he never had a girlfriend


it was one day in the mall of the school
right by the cannon
He was selling yearbooks
(he was actually the reason started journalism)
I asked my grandfather to give me a moment and some money
Then i walked over

“Hey”
“Hey
Would you like to purchase a yearbook”
“Yeah, sure”
He smiled, and his cheeks dimpled
i stopped thinking
“ Do you Know Jose”
“Diggs?”
“Yeah”
“Yeah why?”
“i used to date him”
“Oh”
That night after getting brandon’s number
I broke up with Jose


What followed was random, wild and beautiful
He told me his story
Jehovah Witness parents can’t accept his differences,
Still in the closet, because he didn’t know how not to be popular
things were rocky with his boyfriend, Imani, cuz he was suspected of cheating
cheating
“… cheating right now”
What?
“You’ve been looking over at brandon’s test all class period, your obviously cheating, so hand in your test.”
I was obsessed
I never had a relationship where i could be so open
I knew EVERYTHING about him
Born in La
favorite color: blue like the ocean in the morning
Wanted to be: model/actor
and deeper things like how, he didn’t like silence cuz he felt like people were judging him
He acts so crazy so when he did something gay, it was just attributed to his weirdness
And like when he liked people in school, he typically ignored them

“Was that why you never talked to me”
“Honestly yeah
You were cute”
Laying in the park the grass making stains on our back
Laughing when we got caught kissing by 12 year old

Kissing in the movies holding hands
You trying to teach me drive
Making out in your car
Sitting on your living room couch watching the golden girls
Laying sleep together in your bed

“I broke up with my boyfriend”
“Oh? Why”
“ I met someone i liked better”
I froze
“Who”
“This guy named Damien”
WHO THE FUCK WAS DAMIEN!!!???
i was hurt
but we still had our little secret
I was confused
But we still told each other everything
I still gave him everything
Once i “accidently” told one of my friends about his gayness
Little did i know that she was one of his easy breezy covergirls
He got SO mad
he refused to talk to me
So… i went back to her and told her i lied
that i was crazy, and a stalker, and i made it all up so his reputation would be ruined
What hurt most was she believed me
Brandon talked to me that night again for the first time in a month
He came to my house for the first time
Met my grandparents
We kissed in front of them
They hated me but i was happy
I was Happy
Then homecoming
Me…
I used my destroyed reputation to get him votes
This was my line
“Yeah i lied on him, but i want to try to make it up to him so help me out please”
I made bribes, called on favors, cheated, sabatoged ballots, Made posters, gave out candy, Made announcements
I single handedly got him 1,500 votes in a school of 2,896 students
Homecoming

“And Your Homecoming King of 2007 is Brandon James Mckay”

Homecoming

He went up to accept his crown

Homecoming

There were local news anchormen there because this was Independence… this was Important

Homecoming

He thanked everyone for Helping him

Homecoming

and then he kissed Imani parks

I hate homecoming

“AVADA KEDAVRA” I CURSE YOU J.K ROWLING FOR LEAVING ME HOOKED< AND NOT LEAVING ME ANYTHING TO FOLOW UP WITH EXCEPT CHEAP MOVIES BY INCOMPETANT DIRECTORS WHO CANNOT CAPTURE THE BEAUTY THAT IS YOUR HARRY POTTER BOOKS!!!!!
My skin tone does not match this statement according to some
But it’s true
I tell you i believe right down to the tip of my sorting hat (21.99 at borders) that He-Who-Has-No-Nose, Should evaporate that spiteful woman with all the power he has in his horucruxed soul
See
I love Harry Potter, well books in general.
While my peers talked about,
Girls, money, food, girls, money, bitchy teachers, parties, girls, cars, power rangers, money, homework, clothes, THOSE BRAND NEW RED AND BLACK JORDANS, Girls With Money..
I was lost in to a world of HER creation, in my own little corner reading sipping a

GRANDE WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCHA W/ 2% MILK HOLD THE CREAM and a banana walnut bread muffin
this is a taste of heaven
Made for those of a slightly more refined taste than the casual kool-aid
YES THAT WAS A STEREOTYPE
but it is one i don’t fit into
Starbucks was my second home
It was new to charlotte and i loved the upperclass feel, and the smell and the atmosphere perfect for Reading Harry Potter, sipping on my mocha and listening to
“ WELL IM STANDING NEXT A MOUNTAIN * guitar rif* And i Chop it down, with the edge of my hand
cause Im a voodoo child voodoo child
Lord knows Im a voodoo child
And even as some one reads this over my shoulder they think this is some wild incantation, worthy of JK, instead of the wild wonders of the world presented by the legendary JH, Jimi hendrix
See i through all this purple haze that is the music of my generation, to get to legends of rock and ROLL
Not to say im trapped in concrete box that is the past, but just to say i like to corellate history with news, to make future predictions, in the trends of things i like Such as Beyonce, Daft Punk, Charlie Daniels, Aerosmith, And Macy gray
Notice the distinct absence of 8 nickels and a dime, and lil constipated 6 year old, referring to lil wayne and 50 cents for those of you audio challenged
Not that i hate them you just wont find them on MY IPOD
Which Has Been Taken Away From Me Because My Mother Is The Devil
not because i stayed out all of Last Night to Watch
CHARMED at my friends house
No That Vile Woman Wants Me to Sit Down and Watch
I Love New York
I HATE NEW YORK
no i wont do it
I REFUSE BE TRAPPED IN THE STEREOTYPE
and since my mom is Bengali, i don’t really know what that sterotype is.
But back to the point,
of my Social Rebellion
SEE I AM NOT LIKE YOU
My FAVORITE FOOD IS CHEESECAKE
well.. maybe that’s not weird
BUT
Have you Ever had Goat with A side Of RICE
HAHAHA
And I Like Liver and Onions
and Broccili
and Beets
WHY
BECAUSE THEY TASTE LIKE DIRT.
and i used to eat dirt as a kid
As a kid
As a kid i used to sit there in my house alone.
My mother never had time for me, My dad, was like sharpies, here today, gone tomorrow
and i didn’t have many friends….
so most of the time
I was
Alone
i never did like being alone
when i did finally make friends they were all INDIVIDUALS
and i wnted to be an individual too.
So… I read harry potter…
and I drank at Starbucks,
And i listened to people who werent on my radio
Simply to fit in with those who didn’t
All i’m trying to say is despite me being different FROM you
That i don’t want to be left alone
….and yeah i Really do just like beets

Whose fault
by: Randall Sky Dudley

he left me
alone for his own selfish reasons
he knew my pain
he cried my shame

When we started it was all Innocent

But
then why did I put on my sexy underwear
He called me beautiful
He made me feel needed
I miss him
When he left me my world crumbled
When He left me my heart parted
When He left me I was F
a
l
l
i
n
g
He was falling too
He felt betrayed
he felt hurt
He Needed SOMEONE to understand
i did
i understood the pain of thinking you’ll never love again
i understood the tears that carved canyons into cheeks
I understood the Thoughts of
I should have
I could have
If only I knew I WOULD have
well… now I have

________________


we kiss
to Beyonce’s Kissing You

his lips
my lips
so soft
and it’s just B and He and me
and I try to block out
Him, the unexcused absence
and it’s just his lips on my lips
and my lips on his
And that one
Temporarily Dissapears

\Break away



“Sorry” a tear falls
“sorry,” I comfort
we’re both so sorry
But
We do it again
_____________________

UP
we sit and we watch Up
entangled into each other because
“Just Friends” can cuddle, right?
But is it just cudlling if were both
Up is a movie
About loss, and pain and
gaining a grip on reality,
and my reality is slipping as his hand slides
probing touching gripping…

“Does it Hurt?”


No
Yes
No
YES
YOUR NOT HIM! my heart screams
he’s not here my brain says
And my mouth says No

_______________


Contact
and we’re swimming in the clouds
together
stroke stroke stroke

“Does feel
that good?”
yes, but…
It’s not enough to drown HIM out
I remember his hands on me….
I remember his eyes as he….
I remember his cries as we….
I remember his…
I remember
NO
i want to forget

“i’m thinking”
say yes or say no

“…yes” he says

no
I fumble, I stumble, boundaries crumble…
And now we’re both Up, Swimming, stroke stroke stroke
i choke
i swallow
i realize that for those few blissful moments i forgot…. the sound of his voice when he’s half asleep…. the way his face looks when he concentrates… the feel of him holding me tightly …. the smell of him… warm …. spicy …. clean….
i realize I REMEMBER
i remember…
i remember,


no


What did he..?
What did I..?
What did we

“Does feel
that good?”

it did
it did
It did until i realized that…. i cheated

….I put on my sexy underwear
He called me Beautiful….
he left me alone….
i miss him…
….he knew my pain

his lips on my lips and my lips on…
“he’s not here”
‘Yes, but
Contact.
Swimming?
THINKING!!
Up


What did we do
and whose fault was it?

Cut and Dry
You are so
Cut and Dry
Getting right to the center of it all in a 140 character or less
Just like a Twitter message
i look at you and see
My future padded cell buddy because
Only completely insane people can be honest like we can
i look at you and see Macy, Angie, India, and Eryka
and then i realize they were aspiring to be you
You
so complex yet simple
I understand you completely
in the sense that you will always confuse me
You are like a puzzle where i know the end picture,
but not how the pieces fit
And you know this

We can share laugh. after laugh, after laugh
at you
at me
at your life
at my life
Our life
Because
it's only with you and me together do we realize how funny all this bullshit really is
It's onlywith you and me do we realize how fake other people are because we're so real
i need you
Im the type pf person who jumps across a canyon, barely making it with my life
while you cry laughing as you point out the bridge
you humble me
Your the type of perosn who gets so caught up in the details
And i help teach you sometimes its just about the basics

All im trying to
Say is that
However many times i attempt to define you you
Laugh in my face because you are the
Essence of ambiguity and
You cant be
Because nothing we ever do
you ever do
i ever do
is ever that
Cut and Dry

It's been twom months since i met you and you
have become the most important person in my life
i dont know how it happened but you
got me caught up, twisted, and thirsty
like a homeless child in a candy store
and whats more

I love every second of it
Everytime i hold you
see you
hear you
kiss you
Feel you i smile
You make Me Happy
I don't know how us two dysfunctional random pieces fit together
but we do like we were made for each other

You Scare The Hell Out Of Me
The feelings i have for you
with you
Give me no choice but to be drawn to you
like steel to a magnet
I am trapped in your cold iron box and i love it
You dont complete me you make me better
And i love you
I love you so much that looking at you
is like a portal to Utopia
Where all my pains melt away
and the only thing left to do is to get lost in those deep brown pools and drown happily because
I am so thirsty
You are such a bad influence with your criminal ways
how you broke and entered, dispite my security walls
walked past all my defenses and stole my heart
And i can't even sue because somehow, Miracously
It has your name on it
You are Amazing
with your ability to captivate me with a laugh
a look
or simply by breathing
And on top of it all your beautiful
with the lips of an angel
and the smile of creation and i know

... i dont deserve you
But its okay because i am Committed
to becoming the best me i can
Just to make you happy
I will hold you until we become connected and conjoined like siamese twins
will kiss you until your lips have memorized the contours of mine
and will love you until Webster updates the dictionary with a word for what we have
but for now
i love you will have to do

You Blast-Burned your way into my heart like a Charizard
And i didn't have a potion handy to keep me from
fainting, head over heels in love
I hadnt learned protect yet
and i didnt have a Squirtle handy, to Watergun some since into me
So my feelings for you just grew like a Snorlax's belly
And the concept of leaving you became so Farfetch'd

Looking at you gives me Amnesia
your Glare leaves me Paralyzed waiting for your nex move
Your Sweet Kisses got me confused like Psyduck
and im caught under your spell like Drowzee
I love you
I know that i am just a boy among me vying for your love, but
"I Wanna Be The Very Best"
for you
I will Brick Break the Barriers that stop us from Uniting
and anyone against us is just Shellos
You Captivate me, raising my ability to appreciate things, like the Morning Sun
or a Beautifly or Butterfree
A Smeargle tried to paint you, but failed to Mimic
the smooth contours of your face into the delicate harmony
that is your beauty
I look at others but they can't Substitute for you
Together we are fierce like Nidoking and Nidoqueen
As evenly matched as Pulsie and Minun
When i am sick you are my Nurse Joy
and i will forever follow you like Brock
We will continue to evolve like Evee into ever more complex forms
BUT
the one thing that remains constant in our sparatic pokemon love
Is that we are together
like Ash and Pikachu

When I first came to Chicago on October 14, 2007 i...
Didn't know what to expect
See im from charlotte, NC, which thinks its a big city,
and i swear our motto is "Were better than Raliegh"
But even with our aspirations of being a large city
we still had the close personal relationships that come with the territory of living down the street from a cow named bessie
And then Chicago
I went from backyards to postage stamps
From trees to condos
From grass to pavement
And those weird graystone houses were just...
Wierd
Even our bums were cleaner in charlotte
I HATED Chicago
My first week in chicago i went to Navy Pier
I saw this big greyhound busload of kids
They looked nice
They looked friendly
They looked like people i could get along with
And i made my first Chicagoan friends,
And i thought, maybe, this wouldnt be so bad
3 hours later it was time for them to go
I ask "Where are ya going?"
They say "Back home....
to Charlotte, NC"
.... It was a tour bus

The reason i came to Chicago in the first place was actually my mother.
My childhood was filled with extension cords, lamps, irons, belts, the cat...
see in my mothers hands anything could become a lethal weapon
And it was funny, cuz i never learned how to duck
I wore the same, confused "aren't you my mother?" expression from age 2-15
Finally, when im 16 DSS decides to "Rescue Me" and put me in foster care, which caused my paternal grandparents to decide to grow a conscious and allow me to slave for them
But
they just wanted their perfect ideal of a grandson,
Not the Semi-perfect, MaJorly flawed me they got so
they sent me to Chicago to live with my dad
And maybe...
that's the real reason i didnt like chicago
Because i waited....

.... and waited
.... and waited

For 3 days, 4 hrs, and 28 minutes at the airport and he
never showed up
MYSPACE SAVED MY LIFE
on my entire friendslist
i had 1 friend in chicago
who wasnt even on my top, and he let me live with him
but, even though 9 people lived in that house


... I had never felt so alone in my life
and i HATED it
i hated the gnawing, gaping hole in my broken heart
i hated the rivers that carved my cheeks into canyons
I HATED how i wasnt worth ANYTHING to him

So..
I changed

i became someone wiser
someone friendlier
someone nicer, stronger, better
Someone who didn't have this Wall Of Pain, separating him from the rest of the world
And i became popular
And i Made Friends
and my heart started to heal and i began to feel
That Maybe
Chicago wasnt the worst thing in my life
And i started to feel the rhythm in the broken pavement
Shattered Glass
and Dingy streets
I started to see the Beauty in the graffitti
I became lost in this sea of people and the kaliedoscope of culture and i began to lose my identity...


.... or maybe i found it
See i became Mexican,
I became white
I became Black, asian, greek
I became someone who saw that everybody has something to share
That there were people with pain greater than mine, and my heart healed through them, and i found my happiness with them
i was home
and as the Tribune replace the Observer
and as 55 degrees became shortsleeves weather
I look around an realize
Chicago taught me to find the happiness
in myself

Maybe Next Lifetime

When my soul first encountered you, you were a distant red and gold bird in my dreams,
Who i barley noticed, just a passing thought
But i you were a pheonix
The symbolic of reincarnation and
Maybe
that should have been my first clue
to the you that was to run through and through and through my life, my mind, and truth
The first time my soul recognized yours you were a soldier
trapped in the stale brick and exposed concrete room
Telling me the horrors of an idealistic government qnd how
it would end up causing me unbearable pain, the loss of you,
But your vioce told me secrets of similarities, slowly spinning a web, messaging me out " i Know You" like wilburs charlotte
When i first fought you
We were two starving Cats in an alley
And there was only one dumpster of food
and as i collapsed in a malnutritioned coma
my last thought was as least theres more for you
When i first loved you.. now thats hard
Was it when you were the static in my phone, and the rhythmic rolling sounds of your snap, crackle, pop accepted my flaws instantly
or was it when i had my moment of bad karma and i lived just long enough to see you in the arms of someone else, and the pain of that cut me deep, deep enough for me to confess,
forgive me for i have sinned
No it was when i was a banker
And my currency was your trust,
and i threw away all limits
as you deposited and withdrew
and we balanced our emotions until
All that was left was you
and me
The next time i saw you
I didnt know you
You were a strangers whose deep eyes captured me
but your stupidity drove me away and maybe i should haved stayed
because that was the lifetime you needed me the most

seventh lifetime
you were a poet and
this, this was where we connected it
and our entire souls were affected
by the sparkling shimmers that carresed it
Us
with the hintof the familiar that says
"I have been yours Forever"
forever since then has seen us as lovers and friends
as vishnu and shiva,
i was the wind that stirred your hair,
and i was the bear that you escaped when you were a rabbit
but through the myraids of life we connected
And in Each lifetime we were brought together,
Some how,
because the truth is
this is a circle
natural and forever
Continuing in a repeated pattern of
love and like and friendship, righteous kisses, fists of fury
But
all i hope
all i pray
is that maybe next lifetime
Youll remember me too

a poetic interpetation of a self written haiku

Art is Beautiful
I Display Emotions Raw
you say Masterpiece

Art is beautiful
I am inspired by my culture
My muse, Weed
The weed that lets me rhyme with ease on the breeze, flying free
Let me be
My artwork, not dispayed on paper,
My papers are used to roll and burn, roll and burn, roll and burn, and i yearn to be something greater but i am offput by previous examples of failure and besides, right now, im having to much fun,
And i have my crew
Together we come together under a like mind, and similar interpetations of the infrastructure of the streets.
And they ask me, to give my initiation piece
Art is beautiful
My parchement, concrete
My brush cold steel
And it is a complete package of sound and smells and sights with visual displays of bright color and a flash of sunrise
I display emotions raw
Bang swish
My first stroke cause the quick smells of TNT accompanied by a vibrant flash of orange fire
Squish Splat
The Sound of my red paint hitting the concrete eerily bringing back memories of yesterdays spilt milk.
Then you see the emotion in the eyes
The eyes of shocked innocence
I display emotions raw
Bang Bang
Splat Splat
Thud
I watch him fall
Gun still cocked
Caught up in the moment and i realize the destructive potential of my art.
If he was just a little faster with his brush i would have been his fire engine red materpiece on the cold conctrete with my signature a dusty chalk outline
Is only i was a little slower i could have seen how my art could inspire others to replicate my work, How i instigated a modern revolution
But its too late, its done
You say masterpiece
blue lights, turn to cold chains
Congratutions from my crew, turn to tears as his family looks at the still black box
Tears turn to vengence as art causes a reckoning
And i see that one spoken sentence, can last for 30 years
behind cold bars
i see his children, most affected by my art
They look at the bars
see my eyes filled with remorse, see my life withering away in an orange jumpsuit
they say Masterpiece

I have always been your bitch

i have been in your
concrete box ever since i was born in your baby blue jumber and given power ranger toys and i was told that i had to be a man
and I was made to realize that in this fight or flight reflex that was life only the fight was respected in me
and i
Was a pacifist
Everyone tried to tell me that it would all be ok
but every one knows the bad stuff is easier to believe
So to fix my broken perspective
And to achieve a new directive
i tried to find a way to ease my pain
And i turned to words
I figured maybe if i could speak fast enough
Maybe if i could Speak loud enough
Maybe i could keep my demons at bay
And i thought maybe if i could write boldd enough, i could get an artificial 3rd party respect.
But then i realized
I only thoought i was a nobody when i looked in the mirror and saw i was not the somebody that you wanted to see
and neither was he
And neither was she
And neither were we
well
I am me as he is she and she is me and you are we and We Are All Together
Our voices are our weapons and together we will win
Peace will overcome destruction and we begged you to Repent
And we thought we met our objective when we saw that we had friends
And we thought we could achieve Liberation
And we never knew that this was a fantasy until you dropped you bomb that was reality, and then i knew, that i can make up all my stories of change, and get lost inside my imagery but in actuality, Hell Still Goes On.
And Then Me and she and he became enemies, and guns helped us murder their families because the only way to bring peace to our realities was to cause the same pain that they had brought to our broken fantasy
And our shame
Was not in our hypocrisy
But that we were not big enough to achieve the same Mass destruction that they did
And as we trapped and trained their kids
To fight the lies that they hid
We began to feel the same hate that fueled our hatred
And we started to wear the same faces that they did
Then i looked in the mirror and saw that i was finally a Somebody
That they could now Respect
I had become the monster that i had been fighting
and i knew the truth which was
Society
I have always been your bitch